woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
