I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
