the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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