ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
