i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it because I queefed?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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