I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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