never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
