my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
