See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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