i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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