I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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