I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
