Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
