They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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