The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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