Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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