I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
