he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
