We got so high we made milksteak
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
