The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
