Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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