Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
