just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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