It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
