i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
