thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
