One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
