i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
