My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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