I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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