Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
