dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
