and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
