I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
