just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
