I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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