ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
