I want to make a zoo with you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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