My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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