Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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