Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
