this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
