Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
