We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
