My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
