she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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