if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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