Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
