I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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