Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
