He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
