she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
