it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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