So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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