what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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