Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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