ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
