i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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