I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
