I'm jealous of your bromance
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
