I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
