My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
