Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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