Four minutes until I can fart!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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