I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
